Sha-Da-Zeke
by ewisko
Summary: DJ's Momma and Staci might be in the newest Total Drama's final two, but that isn't going to stop Lightning and Ezekiel from having the craziest adventure ever! WARNING: This story was written late at night. It's not to be taken seriously, or be even read by anyone for that matter. DJ's Momma/Staci


Finally after a long season, Total Drama Throwback was coming to a close. 57 episodes had passed during the long grueling summer and many of the teens were excited to and anxious for it to finally come to a close.

The final contest was a long distance run between the two finalist's, and of course like the Total Drama All Stars finale and Total Drama Pahkitew Island finale's, for some reason they finalist's need to choose at least one helper each for of them because the network's thought that having one v. one competition would be two boring. Genius.

"All right DJ's Momma, who do you want to pick as your helper in the finale." Chris asked, crossing his toes that it wouldn't be Topher.

"Hmmm…." The Old Momma pondered this thought long and hard. Under normal circumstances, she would've picked her son but due to Izzy molesting him and Cameron two episodes ago when they were all in the final 5 she thought against it. Shrugging now, due to her not giving a crap and wanting this episode to be over with, she chose Lightning.

"Aw yeah, Sha-Lightning's back in Da Game!" Lightning cheered, pumping his right arm in the air triumphantly as he jumped next to DJ's Momma. Confused at what an old lady was doing here, he spoke up.

"Who are you?"

"Why I am DJ's Momma you :Ling idjut!" DJ's Momma roared slapping him with her purse.

"Yes, yes, we all know that Lightning's an :Ling idjut." Chris chuckled.

"Hey, Sha Lightning isn't an Idjut!" Lightning yelled back at the host but soon was hit by DJ's Momma's purse again prompting him to shut up.

"All right, Staci." Chris then turned to the second finalist. "Who do you want to pick as your helper?"

"Da Zeke yah." Da Staci answered. And soon out of thin air, Ezekiel materialized in front of Staci due to the power of words that Da Ewisko is typing for you right now.

"Aw yeah, Da Zeke is in Da House!" Ezekiel jumped, thrusting his arms up to the sky.

"Hey you can't call yourself with 'Sha' only Sha-Lightning can do that!" Lightning berated, obviously mishearing what Ezekiel said. DJ's Momma who noticed that Lightning misheard Ezekiel hit him again hard with her purse.

"You :Ling idjut, he said 'da' not 'sha'!" DJ's Momma roared, spit flying into Lightning's eyes.

"Yah my great-great aunt Murtle made up those sayings. She also invented baseball and ." Staci chimed in, lying her ass off just so she could be included in the conversation.

Soon after the long discussion came to a close, Chris started to explain the final challenge to the 3 teens (and one, 38383474848 year old) Apparently DJ's Momma and Staci were to run around the Island while Ezekiel and Lightning were given remote controls to cause some stuff to :L up and get in the finalist's way. Of course this was ripped right from the Pahkitew Island finale, but who da :L cares?

Xxx

Lightning and Ezekiel stood now with Chris, controllers in hand watching the two overweight females race each other in the most boring, anticlimactic finale ever. It was made more anticlimactic due to both of the teens not knowing what the :L they were doing with the remote controls.

"Aw this is Sha-Stupid!" Lightning roared throwing his remote in the bushes.

"OW!" A voice from the bushes screamed, obviously hurt from the thing that Lightning threw at it.

"What was that, eh?" Ezekiel asked, as he tried to get his remote to work walking towards the grass.

"Probably B, trying to get Sha-Lightning to buy his drugs." Lightning muttured under his breath as he went to see who it was. However to both Lightning and Da Zeke's dismay it was none other than Gollum.

Oh, yeah. You, the reader, are probably wondering why the :L Gollum is doing here in a Total Drama fanfic are you? Yeah well, let's get into this boring tedious exposition shall we.

During the 39th episode, Cameron accidentally toyed with B's latest invention and used that invention to travel to the land of middle-earth. For continuity reason's, it was a day before Bilbo encountered Gollum so he still had the ring. However, Lindsay had lost the ring in her cleavage, prompting Scott to retrieve it causing Lindsay to sue for sexual harassment towards Scott mid-season. And due to the Canadian legal system Lindsay also won custody of the ring and gave it to Ezekiel for good luck to win the season.

So there's your: Ling exposition. Now shut the :L up and read the oneshot.

"You's have's the precious's!" Gollum sneered and soon jumped on top of Da Zeke to try to get the ring off of him.

"No, no, no one can beat Da Zeke!" Ezekiel yelled in adrenaline. As Gollum was currently pummeling him, Zeke managed to put the one ring on his finger which allowed him to become invincible.

"Where's the precious's!" Gollum roared out. He turned to Lightening. "Where did it's's go's's!"

"I dunno." Lightning shrugged, clearly not giving a shit on what was going on.

"YOU KNOW!" Gollum jumped to the conclusion. Gollum's shout was so loud that word's that materialized from his 'talk bubble' became tangible and soon started to beat the ever living :L out of Lightning with them. As Gollum began to start trying to give Lightning a concussion with the letter 'U' He felt a strong force on the back of his head.

"Precious's!" Gollum snarled, thinking that whoever punched him must be Ezekiel who was invincible.

"Yeah eh!" Da Zeke cried out in awesomeness. "DA ZEKE FOR DA WIN!" He cried out one more time before kicking Gollum again, at his backside.

Meanwhile, Lightning was just watching the battle, but then spotted something on the ground. Grabbing hold of it he realized it was B's invention 'which even an :Ling idjut could understand' and he pushed the button, causing a blue portal to appear out of thin air.

"Come on dude, put him in the Sha-Portal!" Lightning called out to the invisible Zeke. Ezekiel understood what Lightning was saying, and with one strong kicked knocked Frodo into the portal, where he would never returned to the Dramaverse. Lightning soon also pressed the button causing the portal to close, finally sealing away Gollum's fate.

"Woah dude, that was Sha-Awesome!" Lightning congratulated Da Zeke.

"Yo, Da Zeke was glad you helped to." Da Zeke replied happy.

"Yeah, and man, you shouldn't be called just 'Da Zeke' anymore. You're like Sha-Da-Zeke!" Lightning said.

"Woah really!?" Ezekiel said, excited with his new title.

"Yeah man, come on I bet Sha-Da-Lightning and Sha-Da-Zeke can both get the million for ourselves!" Lightning decided.

"Yeah!" Ezekiel agreed, and soon the two teens ran full sprint towards the million dollar case.

_Epilouge_

Lightning and Ezekiel found the million dollar case, and managed to strike a deal with DJ's Momma and Staci, saying that if they gave them each 10000000000000000 coconuts they can have the money.

After Staci and DJ's Momma got the coconuts, both eloped and are now living on the Moon, where they're conducting an experiment from the Canadian government if Coconut's can grow there.

Scott got a re-trial and was found not guilty on the sexual harassment charge, and thus lifting the binds of discord between him and Lindsay. They are now married in Kentucky, where Scott made millions making his Dirt Pie's.

B managed to also strike it big in inter dimensional travel, causing him to be a billionaire. Most of the Total Drama girl's wanted to marry him though, due to them being gold diggers. This warranted Chris to have a spin off show called 'Who's gonna get Da B.' Which Zoey won. She used to the interdimensional travel to get to an alternate timeline where Mal was still around. She currently molests him with Izzy.

And Ezekiel and Lightning? Well they both legally got their names changed so they can be hence forth known as Sha-Da-Zeke and Sha-Da-Lightning respectively.

And for me the narrator, well why are you asking all these questions? For that matter why are you reading this story, it's :Ling garbage. Oh well.

**THE END!**


End file.
